Friday, May 22, 2009

Chopping Fire Wood

The man is not an IRS tax collector or a faceless oil executive, but a fun squandering third grade teacher or an overbearing parent. As a little squirt, the pedantic teachers and volunteer parents at my local elementary school squandered my fun, telling me to wash my hands, wear safety goggles and not to wrestle with other boys during touch football. In their soulless eyes, scraped knees, bumped elbows and fat lips are gateways to barbarianism.

In order to provide wood for the perpetually burning fire on the shore Grand Pond, we walked to the nearby woods to participated in some "forest thinning" in the hopes protecting the great Maine woods against potential forest fires and under cooked marshmallows.

With Tucker's hatchet we attacked cherry saplings like Paul Bunyan, reclaiming our manhood one chip at a time.

Sometimes the hatchet got over zealous and bit off more than it could chew, latching onto a log like a burr into a wool sock. A jarring swing and a well placed hand liberated the hatchet, and Tucker was back in action.

By wearing a Barbour International motorcycle jacket, a Filson Mackinaw hunting jacket, a pair of Red Wings work boots, or other pieces of clothing associated with a potential dangerous, yet pure activity, you are sticking your nose up to the shoulder pad laden third-grade teacher that put you in time out for running down the hallways or jumping out of the swing at recess. Here's to you Mrs. Johnson, "We will use hand chopped wood to cook our wieners, not some safe burning, mongoloid hybrid of wood pulp and fossil fuels!"

Here are some more links,
Chopping wood (Picasa),
Paul Bunyan Disney,
Flamz Errol Morris (High Life).


james at 10engines said...

slow friday. catching up on paul bunyan now...

Foster Huntington said...

i couldnt think of a better thing to do on the friday before memorial day weekend.

NSW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Horrible Old Man said...

Some people need to learn how to properly wield an hatchet, no?

Foster Huntington said...

I guess so, any pointers?

Horrible Old Man said...

Y'all are hmmm being too aggressive in your swing, you should be cutting more at an angle cutting a larger V notch into the wood. The more shallow the angle of the v the more you will be cutting with the grain, less force you will be using. Those logs also should be split length wise with the grain not chopped into shorter lengths. A third pointer that anyone with a "toten chip" can tell you those logs should be supported so you don't damage the blade when you do cut thru.

author said...

big red back in action baby!